Why do relationships that begin with such promise often devolve into resentment, boredom, or attempts at control? One of Gurdjieff’s early students, A.R. Orage, described the essence of the problem: most of what we call love is either biological or emotional in nature, whereas only conscious love is capable of transforming and sustaining itself.  According to Orage, conscious love cannot come about by chance.  It must be preceded by work towards self-knowledge and undertaken to glorify the mystery of creation.  This is not sentiment but precision—perceiving and supporting who the other person actually is at their deepest level, not who we imagine they should become.

Orage defined the motive force of conscious love as "the wish that the object should arrive at its own native perfection, regardless of the consequences to the lover."  The quest to become a conscious lover therefore begins with humility.  Paradoxically, this quest is only made viable by the attainment of wisdom and power: how can one lover help another reach their fullest potential, unless they themselves have the means to provide assistance in the right way at the proper time? 

This exchange explores what conscious love is and what it requires: the capacity to see another person clearly, to distinguish essence from personality, and to work with our finest energy rather than squandering it.  What changes when we approach relationship not as automatic attraction but as an opportunity for work on oneself?  How can we hope to become worthy of calling ourselves lovers?

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